Right now, I’m frustrated at cats that pee outside their litter box and at dry cleaners who don’t speak English. Are you aware no dry cleaning business within eighty miles of my home thinks it might be helpful if just one single employee spoke just a little bit of English?
<deep breath>
Almost two weeks ago, we discovered that one of our wonderful (sarcasm) cats had committed a heinous crime of the most offensive nature. Someone peed on the guest bed. Time of crime: the night before family was coming in town to sleep on this particular bed. Late the night before. So we quickly washed the sheets, and we tried to wash the dry-clean-only comforter by hand in our freshly-cleaned bath tub, but it was no use. The smell of cat pee wasn’t going down without a fight. After wrestling with the billion-pound, soaking-wet comforter for a couple of hours, Michael and I relinquished our efforts and threw the thing in a garbage bag outside. It was clear we were going to have to take it to the cleaners to have a chance at salvaging this brand new bedspread.
Fast forward to today: I’ve called seven different dry cleaners. I’m checking the prices and I’m also asking about whether or not they think they have what it takes to duel with this stain. Unfortunately, five of the seven dry cleaners that I called don’t even have what it takes to communicate with me over the phone (much less get a cat pee stain out); one company didn’t even answer the phone.
Stop for a moment and imagine our conversation. The only word I could get any of them to recognize was bedspread. They didn’t even recognize the word “stain.” If you’re not going to learn the whole language, shouldn’t you at least learn the basic terms associated with your business?? Sheesh. One of them even asked me if I spoke her language. Are you kidding? Did you seriously just ask me that? If I spoke your language, I wouldn’t be bantering back and forth with you about the word “stain” for five minutes. Maybe if you spoke Spanish…
Only one dry cleaner had someone who spoke English. She sounded like a young teenager, and she wasn’t really helpful in answering my questions about whether or not they thought they could get the stain/smell out. But she spoke English. How refreshing. And I feel like if I were to bring her my comforter, I could at least communicate that this particular item would need a little more TLC than usual. So I think she’s got our business…simply because she speaks English.
So here’s Hallie smart tip of the day: If you don’t speak English and you’re starting your own business anywhere in the U.S., step numero uno on your business plan should be…
LEARN TO SPEAK ENGLISH.
You’ll be amazed at how the customers just flood in!
By the way, a week and a half has gone by. Family has come and gone, and the cats finally have access to that bedroom again. Guess what…someone peed again. So, if anyone is interested, I know where you can get a couple of great cats; they make terrific pets. Any takers??
5 Comments
July 28, 2008 at 3:30 pm
How much to they weigh? Or more to the point, how much meat do they have on them?
July 28, 2008 at 5:58 pm
Hallie – this post made me laugh so hard I had tears rolling down my cheeks!!!!!!!!!! OMG – so funny.
July 28, 2008 at 8:37 pm
Love it. Perfect sense of sarcasm throughout, made me crack up & I even read it out loud. ha. Thanks!!!
July 29, 2008 at 9:22 am
Troy, however displeased I am with my kitties, you may not eat them. However, I have discovered that there is a little rabbit living in my garden; you may eat that if you would like. As my cats are fascinated with the poor creature, I’m certain we’d have no problem catching it for you. There’s not too much meat on him though, so you’d better bring your own side dish or maybe a salad.
July 30, 2008 at 9:33 am
Remind us never to sleep in your guest bed when we come to visit!